Unravel

I read an article written by purposefulparentingjourney which talked about a process in the world of crochet called, “unravel”.

According to the article, to unravel is “to undo what you have so lovingly and patiently created to, usually, make corrections.”

I loved the article, not because I am interested in crochet, but because of how the author related the process [unraveling] to life. Below is a snippet from the article that really pinched a part of me:

Sometimes we mess up, sometimes we feel stuck, not growing nor progressing. Sometimes we feel as if we are not in the place we want, not in the place where we could feel fulfilled and where we could better serve our purpose. Remember, you don’t have to stay there. Remember that you always have the option to unravel and go back to start over.

Here’s a link to the full article if you want to read it: Unravel and Start Anew.

I was able to relate because I have been in that situation and what helped me get back up is the process of ‘unraveling’.

In my experience, the feeling of being lost or stuck entered progressively. It started small and seemingly innocent. And then it affected one part of my being, and another, and another. It kept me busy chasing, just trying to keep up with life’s demands, trying to keep things together and yet no matter how much I try, they still fall apart. Nothing was seriously wrong about my life. In fact, when I look around me, all I see are good things. Everything was great, save for little wrinkles (we can’t have all sunshine right?). So I wondered why I felt that way.

One time, I got very tired of what was happening so I decided to sit down and assess. In my head, questions such as “Why am I feeling lost?”, “How is it that things felt so unorganized right now?”, “How were things before?”, “How did it make transition from feeling great to feeling bad and I didn’t notice it while it was happening?” kept popping  up and I was unable to answer. I realized that first, I had to accept that I’m caught up in a growing feeling of emptiness and being lost at life instead of trying to put back how things once were. Maybe if my life was a crochet, maybe it’s just that the yarns aren’t going where they’re supposed to.

Since my questions relate to the past and what happened between then and now, I went through a year long process of retracing my steps trying to remind myself of who I was and what I cared for some years back by remaking parts of the experiences. I didn’t go back in time, I just tried to remember the feeling of being there.

During the process, I visited my parents. Just being there with them, being in their house and going through my old stuff in my old room, brought back a lot of pieces already. I went through my Zoids (they are toys if you’re not familiar with them) collection, dusting them off with my daughter. I checked my old guitars. I listened to the music I used to listen to. And spent a lot of time either talking to my wife or just thinking quietly. Oh and I chugged down a lot of coffee too (and beer)!

It was a long mentally and emotionally painstaking process but it was all worth it. I knew I surpassed it when I, once again, am able to appreciate what I currently have and  understand where I wanted to go with who I currently am. I’m glad I made it through – of course with the support of family and friends.

That’s my unraveling experience. Are you feeling stuck, not growing nor progressing? Do you feel as if you are not in the place you want, not in the place where you could feel fulfilled and where you could better serve your purpose? Remember that you always have the option to ‘unravel’.